Kids say the funniest things and most of the time, it’s just too difficult keeping a straight face on, mamas. We talked to our friends and shared our own stories about times our littles had us in stitches, whether they’re announcing catch-alls for curing sadness or having meltdowns over absolutely nothing. See our favourites below!
George (aged 5) & Henry (aged 4) Bayly
The boys were eating supper the other day and George suddenly came out with the random comment that he loved me more than a carrot (said with such feeling and emotion too!), which made us all roar with laughter. It was followed by an exchange between the two boys and I saying, “I love you more than a sprout” and “I love you mummy more than an onion”.
The best was shortly afterwards, when Henry came into our room in the early hours of the morning and snuggled in-between Chris and I. He cupped my face in his hands and whispered in a really loud whisper, “Mummy, I love you more than a meatball!”
Adam Berman, aged 5
When somebody is sad, it’s important that they eat marmalade.
Edward Berman, aged 3
Edward: Pappa goes to office, mamma eats cookie…
Me: Erm… whaaaaat??
Hubby: That sounds about right, Edward.
Bill Brooks, aged 3
Bing Brooks, aged 4
When he’d just started school and thought his teacher knew everything, he was telling me that spinach was a herb. I told him it was actually a vegetable and he said, “No it isn’t mummy, it’s a herb. You don’t know anything, you haven’t been to school for ages… Your thinking is all wobbly. Not like Daddy his thinking is straight!”
Emily, aged 3
Emily wanted to take her half-eaten muffin into her Dad’s car. I said “I don’t think Daddy would appreciate it.” To which she said, “Oh but I did last time when we went out, I ate a muffin in his car… and he appreciated it!”
Ezra, aged 4
Xander is only babbling, but once we were taking my nephew (who’s a huge Thomas the Tank engine fan) up to London on the train from leafy Surrey. When a rather portly ticket man came into the cabin, he shouted, “It’s the fat controller!” I’m not sure who was more embarrassed.
Harrison Crabbe, aged 4
Me: What do we do at the beach?
Harrison: We don’t disturb mummies.
Max Lee D’Aubrey, aged 3 (at the time)
In an attempt to compliment me, Max squeezed my limbs and said, “Mommy you are so brave! You have enormous arms and huge legs. You can get a jorva (injection) in your enormous arms and legs!”
Another time, he stepped onto the scale in the bathroom and said, “How much do I cost mum?”
Last year at Christmas, we spent it with my very frail grandmother who needed help to the loo. Max was very concerned about her and followed her to the toilet and said, “Call me when you’re finished, ok?” Then he walked out and shouted, “Don’t fart!”
Max Lee D’Aubrey, aged 4
I accidently hurt Max while brushing his hair. He pulled away from me and shouted “Jesus!”
After explaining to him that we only use Jesus’ name when we’re praying or speaking nicely, he said, “Well, I’m praying to Jesus that you won’t hurt me!”
There was another time that he had a meltdown over getting a croissant without cheese on. Once he’d settled down, he turns to me and said, “Let’s not talk about that, it’s over now!”
Arthur Scott, aged 2.5
To his brother during a running race…”Haha, I’m the winner and you’re the hoover!”
Felix Scott, aged 4.5
While I was enjoying a mama/son moment, I told Felix just how much I loved him and how proud he made me. His reply? I need a poo.
He also once quizzed me about my wedding photo – asking why he wasn’t in the picture. When I tried to explain that he hadn’t yet been born he had a mini meltdown. “What’s wrong?!” I asked him…and he replied “I’m not talking to you because you didn’t invite me to your wedding mummy.”
Amara Naqvi, aged 2.5
When I had all my make-up on, Amara told me, “Mummy you look like someone else’s mummy!”
She also told me once, “I want to go to big school, so I will eat all my broc-a-lee now.”
Bertie Wilson, aged 5
Bertie made me laugh the other day as I fed him homemade quiche…
Me: How is the quiche Berts?
Bertie: Oh well mummy, I’m afraid it’s not very delicious.
Me: So shall I make it again?
Bertie: No thank you. It’s not very delicious because it tastes of bones!
Will Wixley, aged 3
We were all going to bed, so I said let’s think of nice things to dream about. Mischa started with fairies, I followed with chocolate donuts and Will piped up with sausages and beer! Too much like his daddy I fear!
Make sure you write the priceless things your kids say down mamas – they make for hilarious reading in years to come and will remind you of all those amazing early years.