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10 things you say you’ll NEVER do BEFORE you have kids

Tales from a mama before having babies
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Never say never mamas!

You know that saying – ‘I was the perfect parent, and then I had kids?’. It’s so true right mamas?! We think we know it all before we actually have to do it for real – from what they’ll eat to how they’ll behave – we will raise the perfect children according to our perfect (and totally unrealistic) rules. Sound familiar? Our contributor Amy sums it all up brilliantly with 10 things we say we’ll never do BEFORE we have kids…

1. Wipe your child’s face with your own spit.

You’ll do it. You will. Because you’ll be so damn late all the time that trying to find a flannel just isn’t good time management. If you have a cat or dog, this is where they come in particularly useful. Cat’s lick, anyone?

2. Call your other half ‘Daddy.’

It makes me want to puke when couples call one another ‘Mummy’ or ‘Daddy.’ But the truth is you won’t always remember each other’s actual names. Or anyone’s name for that matter. So generic terms for everyone is sometimes as good as it gets.

3. Let your kids watch DVDs when you go out for dinner.

By all means, have standards. Have rules. Have an element of smugness as you compare yourself to other families who are ALL watching DVDs whilst you participate in actual conversation. Fast forward two years when you have a toddler in tow and you’ll be so desperate to actually eat something IN PEACE that you’ll take a SELECTION of DVDs out with you. Trust me.

things you say before you have kids

4. Let your kids dress themselves.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. After several discussions (full on screaming rows) about what you want your child to wear vs. what they want to wear, you’ll give up completely and let them go out looking like a lady of the night.

5. Make food from scratch.

If heating up dried pasta and adding a knob of butter is ‘making food from scratch’ then you’re TOTALLY doing this. Well done you. Give yourself a pat on the back.

6. Go to McDonald’s for a Happy Meal.

Some of our happiest moments have been spent in McDonald’s. With the kids eating fries and playing on the games consoles whilst I enjoy a double espresso coffee and use their free Wi-Fi. I’m there now in fact…

Kid sleeping in parents bed

7. Let your kids sleep in your bed.

We almost achieved this. We did. But then child number three came along and not co-sleeping went to pot (along with everything else). Now I wake up in the morning and not only wonder if I’m actually in my own bed but, if I am, there’s almost definitely one or two extra bodies in there with me. I have no memory of when they snuck in. Neither do they. And on a REALLY good night one of them will have done a wee on me. Sleep well!

8. Shout.

Yes I was going to be a really calm, understanding mother. Who always exerted self-control. Then I had kids and they completely ruined that aspiration. (Along with so many others).

9. Let your kids stay up late.

When I had one child we were ALL about the bedtime routine. Now? I need at least an hour in between getting each child down just to recoup some energy. Which means the eldest is sometimes up long after I’ve passed out on the sofa (from tiredness, not gin. Okay, maybe gin just a little bit).

10. Spoil your kids.

My kids aren’t spoilt, per say. They don’t have a tablet each or a phone (despite the six year old asking) or stuff I don’t want them to have. BUT. I admit that I do a lot of things for an easy life. And because I don’t want to ‘anger’ them. So that chocolate mousse the two year old can’t have because he hasn’t eaten his dinner? He’s having it regardless. I know it. He knows it. Our blooming cat knows it. My defence? ‘Pick your battles, people. Pick your battles.’

Featured image via Pinterest, Image #3 via Pinterest

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