5 Toys Not To Buy My Child…Please

There are so many awesome toys out there. And then there are those that are just plain irritating mamas!

After eleven years as being a mother to 2 boys and 1 girl, I feel I am entitled to be recognised as a professional toy judge. To all those that have gifted my children in the past, don’t take this personally, I just want us to be on the same page when it come to toys. This is a Public Service Announcement to all: the following toys are never, ever accepted.

A toy that comes with a gazillion “accessories”

You know how much fun it is when your kid opens a toy and out falls a hundred teeny tiny different shoes/pieces/elastics/hats? Zero percent fun. On that note, who manufactures ant sized cutlery sets?! Usually, a child will have misplaced nearly all of the accessories within the hour and a curious toddler absolutely adores eating My Little Pony plastic cakes. Once, my daughter managed to cheekily pack her entire Shopkins set. While we were checking in at the airport, the bag fell and we had to pick up a million miniscule looking foods and I wanted to run away.

Make up sets for girls

No. Just NO.

It isn’t about being against makeup per se, it’s more about the crappy ingredients behind these particularly cheap make up sets and the fact that it’s hard for me to maintain the ‘you cant wear make up till you’re 18’ argument that I give my daughter.

A toy that claims it is a “build your own…”

This is a false claim! No child will ever build their own plane, car or beaded necklaces. This is a trap to make parents do it for the child. The best worst example was when my daughter received a ‘Make your own Lip Gloss’ set. The artificial colour, the petroleum jelly, the mess, the way her little brother smeared it everywhere and the fact my daughter wanted to thread the lip gloss and wear it on her necklace made me nearly cry. Actually, I did.

Boy toys are not any better – Lego Sets are a nightmare. I know, I know, they are stimulating and educational and look oh so marvelous when created. However do you know that most often the kid gives up or loses a vital piece or takes so long that runs past his bedtime? It’s traumatic. The thing with Lego is that it never stays perfect does it. And if it does it will just gather dust. Once my son was given a Chuggington Train set that (no jokes) came with 105 pieces. One hundred and five. The purchaser of this product needs to ask themselves: a) where on earth was this train set meant fit when it was built? And b) which child has the patience to watch a 105 piece train set be built?

Dolls that go to the toilet

I am not interested in my kid stressing over whether her doll needs a nappy change, to sit on the potty or to eat because we have a real life baby and toddler to deal with. Also, kids can’t even deal with their own needs, so guess who ends up changing a doll?

This rule applies to any toy that claims to be “real”, more so for animals. I have seen toy birds (that sing), remote control spiders, a blow up dinosaur and a pretend dog that needs to be ‘walked.’

Toys that do not have a turn off button

As horrific as this sounds, they really do exist (I shudder). I honestly believe if we all boycotted the cheap, plastic, made in China toys, we would stop landfill, stop slave work and save our ears a lot of pain. Also, sensor toys are equally painful. These toys are similar to how a computer goes on screen saver mode and once somebody picks them up they restart their song and dance. This is excruciating when you’ve managed to put your little one to sleep and the Leap Frog starts to sing “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes…”

Next time you have the pleasurable duty of purchasing a gift for a child, I highly advise you use my advice as a guide. You’ll make one mummy’s day.