Why I’m Always Late

I try to run a tight ship. A routine filled day. I try very hard to explain the day’s activities to my children because, well, I assume they care. This is where I am wrong. My 3 children couldn’t give two hoots if we had a date with The Queen, let alone a mundane doctors appointment – they will still walk around the house completely oblivious to me. I feel like I am slowly losing the battle with remaining a punctual person and it is not my fault.

Food tantrum: because silly me, I cut his food in squares NOT TRIANGLES.

I have a 3 year old that honestly schedules his tantrums with the exact timing of exiting our front door. Needing to poop/eat/lose his shoes also seems a constant reoccurrence and I would laugh if it wasn’t so painful. This morning I asked him 25 times if he needed to go to the toilet before we left home. He looked me square in the eyes and said “I told you, no!” with sass, ofcourse. Silly me, I believed him and started to think that he might really know what he wants. One minute into the drive, he pipes up “need the toilet mummy!” He has remarkable capability to hide things and then forget where they are. Right before leaving the house, important things like car keys or his sister’s shoes suddenly vanish.

Toy fight –  (fighting over a mircrospic, plastic toy that’s been untouched since 2012 but now that we have to leave the house, it has become treasure).

Have you seen the meme that says: “she had the soul of a gypsy, the heart of a hippie, the spirit of a fairy.” That is an accurate description of my 7 year old. Usually, it’s a sweet time with her, but sometimes (read: when I am running late) she lives on another planet and it takes every parenting tactic to bring her back down to Earth. She can start walking down the hallway to get her shoes on because I have asked her only 36 times, and end up in her bedroom playing with her Shopkins. Usually, she’s decided that she wants to switch off from me, and can easily ignore any major announcement (made by shouting).

Rollerblades – Sometimes the children get creative with the inappropriate footwear they would like to the house with.

My 10-year-old thinks he’s 16, except well, he’s not. My son has a special talent – he can remember things at the very last minute. “My science assignment worth 40% of my whole grade is due tomorrow mum. It’s about Andres Celsius and we need to make our own thermometer**.” He tends to boss his siblings at the worst possible timings and then say “but, mum, I’m helping you.” The first major battle is getting him off anything Minecraft related and then an argument ensues about how he found a diamond and because we have to leave to go to his friends party, he will lose everything.

CAR SPILL – The usual occurrence when Mr 10 brings food into my car.

He is a ravenous pre-teen and is always hungry. He wolfs down anything put in front of him and his tendency to want to take some food ‘for the road’ is common. The result is above.

While thinking about the glorious reality of always being late, I have constructed my very own pie chart examining what it’s like to leave the house with 3 kids. Next time I am late, please dear friends, go easy on me. It’s not me, it’s them.

** This is a true story.