The disturbing nature of doing crafts with your kids
This summer holidays you may be tempted through a) sheer boredom b) sheer drunkenness or c) sheer madness to undertake some form of craft activity with your kids. LET ME STOP YOU THERE. Because there’s a very fine line between being creative with your kids and keeping yourself up (unnecessarily) at night, as their latest, erm, creation jerks you awake in the twilight hours of 3.00 AM and you are forced to ponder whether it is ‘normal’ or actually a sign that they need psychological help. This is why, in our house, we avoid crafts like the plague. Apart from the other valid reasons like glitter, play-doh and, ‘Oh, I just don’t want to.’ Here’s a selection of crafty activities that have led me to this carefully thought through decision.
1. Like most mums, I used to feel as if I’d failed as a mother if I didn’t attempt some sort of craft activity with my kids. Until we made THIS. Then I felt guilty for ever attempting to create something that so obviously didn’t want to be created. I mean, what good can come of bringing this poor creature into the world? Just look HOW miserable he (she?) is. Now? Whenever I get a creative (guilty) urge, I remember this sorry, little thing and give myself a slap myself around the face.
2. I’ll never forget finding this on my eldest daughter’s wall. I think she was 5 when she wrote it. I’ll translate. ‘Nobody enter. Do not sit on this bed. Or your head will be cut off.’ It was one of those moments. You know the ones. Where you don’t know whether to call the shrink or just be pleased she’s writing independently. I chose the latter. Because it was cheaper.
3. For a long time after having kids, I couldn’t shake the feeling that our ultimate happiness lay in creating a Christmas tree out of toilet rolls. Last Christmas? We finally made one. And now I can confirm that my ultimate happiness lies in drinking gin. The End.
4. My kids love to draw. And I love to encourage them. Then I see what they’ve drawn and instantly regret it. And make a mental note to turn on Netflix next time someone asks where the paper and pens are. Apparently, this is ‘Our Family.’ But I prefer to call it, ‘Time to call the psychiatrist – picture #721.’ I’m the one with the huge earrings, getting struck by lightening. Yes. LIGHTENING. I don’t know what concerns me most. That. Or the fact that my daughter thinks we’re getting a dog.
5. Continuing the theme of ‘Our Family.’ If I hadn’t already wasted far too many hours worrying that we’re all a bit nuts, I would be now. Also? I’m so pleased that those expensive art classes are paying off (goes and throws more money down the drain).
6. Finally. You can’t do crafts without making something with pasta at least once. Right? This is the ‘Pasta Massacre’ necklace which we actually created for Valentine’s Day. It’s particularly handy because, not only do you get to wear it ALL day TO WORK (you have to, otherwise you’re a really mean, bad mother. And you don’t want THAT on your tombstone, do you?), but if you get hungry and are capable of being full up after six pasta pieces, you’ve also got a really tasty meal. Just add water!
Featured image via Pexels